Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My legs in India..

Well the onlookers of this post might laugh their hearts out, but I sure miss my Kinetic today! After coming to USA, a thing that I miss the most would definitely be my scooter- My Kinetic.
How I would ride it around the entire town. My kinetic and I have shared some beautiful moments together. People find it really weird, but I actually used to talk to my kinetic. I used to share all the happiness and all the sorrows in the world with my bike! Ha ha ha. Funny but so true!
Now that I am 12000 miles away, I miss the wind on my face, something that I used to enjoy immensely on my bike. I miss the scorching sun on my back, all the riding that I would do during the summer afternoons; all the sun-tans that I ever had. How my mom would constantly scold me and warn me from riding during rains, heat or cold. But I would never pay any attention. These precious moments are few and I am going to cherish them all through my life. My kinetic, never once let me down. No problems whatsoever! Be it 6 in the morning, or 3 in the night; it used to be as smooth as ever.
I see people driving high end cars here and I feel sad because they probably will never know what it is like to ride like a crazy bird..

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The lazy bum... i.e. I

Everyone has a phase in their life when they move from being immature to mature people. But surprisingly so, I feel in my case the river is flowing backwards. I am turning from a mature person into an immature one!
I used to be a responsible person, once upon a time. Someone who was aware of all the responsibilities and duties that were needed to be carried out. But with each passing day, I feel I am turning into an irresponsible person. Someone who doesn't care a damn about what goes on in her own life. Now I, seriously, don't know whether this is temporary or permanent. Whether this is going to last longer or will it be over by tomorrow?
I guess everyone has moments like these or stages in life when you are not really sure what do you want from life!
The only good thing about this phase is that I have learnt to accept my mistakes and forgive myself. I have stopped living in regret and I am proud of this achievement. I have realized that I am human and that it is alright to make mistakes. Life always gives us one more chance. I would never have thought about it this way, had I been the Shailee that I was before.
Another good thing I feel is the constant flow of positivity in me. The past 4 months have probably been the worst for me. Me transferring to another country, staying away from home for the first time and all.. but inspite of that I feel amazingly positive. Something within me says that this shall soon be over and that life is going to be a bed of roses again!
Well I sure hope so to. I am keeping my fingers crossed and my faith alive. Hopefully this positive attitude should work well for me!

Friday, December 19, 2008


My story has 2 protagonists- Dhruv and Ram. Dhruv is my neighbor’s 3 year old son. Ram is the grandson of my mother’s domestic help.He is as old as Dhruv is. The other day Dhruv and I were standing in the kitchen. I was preparing something for us to eat. At the same time, Ram and his grand-mother walked in. Dhruv moved closer to me. I was surprised because I saw the expression of disgust etched on the young child’s face. Dhruv and Ram were good friends. They used to play a lot together. But on that day however hard I tried, Dhruv just backed away from Ram. He didn’t even want to touch him. What shocked me the most was how could a young child think such things? How did status, caste and colour stand in way of enjoying a beautiful morning playing pranks and various games?

It hurt me in some unknown way. I thought of Ram- the child is so young. And at such a young age he had to encounter discrimination of this form! While Dhruv was playing with me I tried to ask him subtly, “Who asked you not to play with Ram?” He responded, “My mother”. All the pieces fell into place now. I didn’t say anything else to Dhruv, but this incident kept on gnawing my insides all day long.

Now you might be wondering why I wrote this story in here. Am I trying to preach something? The answer is no. I am no preacher. I am just a human trying to bring something to our notice. This discrimination exists everywhere and we practice it knowingly or unknowingly. How many of us have thanked the shop- keeper after purchasing something from the shop? How many of us know the names of our sweeper or our watchman? Barely a few. I have seen a lot of people behaving rudely with poor people. Why? Just because we have a huge wallet full of money, we start considering ourselves super human! We forget that the other person is also a human after all. We are all Dhruv in one way or the other. We forget that even Ram has feelings that will be hurt by our words. We are the youth today, the future of our country tomorrow. Our mindset does matter. So let us try and keep just a small thing in mind- the person standing opposite to you is a human. Don’t weigh him/her in the unbalanced scale of caste, colour or race. The day you start doing this; apart from your world, the world of someone else too would become truly beautiful!!

A Walk down the memory lane..

  • I was 12 years old, maybe. It was pouring cats and dogs. I had an exam to write that day in school. My auto-walah (the guy who picked me up from home and dropped me off to school) didn't turn up. I was anxious. I was tensed. And then my hero, my dad came into the living room and scooped me up in his arms and carried me all the way to the main road from our house which was located somewhere in the interiors. I huddled close to him, hugging him tightly all the time. He was wearing his rain coat and gum boots and was busy protecting me from the rain. He was knee deep in water and he still continued carrying me with a vigor that is visible only when you are a father. Struggling and fighting with the rain, we reached the main road. He hailed an auto and dropped me off at the school. I reached just in time..
  • I must have been 14-15 years old. There used to be a vegetable seller who would put his vegetable cart in our society. He had covered it with tarpaulin one afternoon and gone somewhere for a nap. My friend and I, lifted up the tarpaulin and stole some money from the cart. It was the vegetable vendor's hard earned money. Something that he had earned after roaming on the streets under the scorching sun, trying to sell vegetables. And we did the ghastly act of putting that money in our pockets. I could not live with that guilt. The next day, I summed up all the courage I had and went and confessed in front of my mother. I went down upon my knees and cried like a baby. I begged and pleaded for her forgiveness, because no one is more important in my life than my mother and father. Her forgiveness was the most important thing in the world. And she did. She forgave me. And I vowed to stick to honesty for the rest of my life...
As a child, I have millions of moments which taught me important lessons on every step I took. My first bicycle, my first prize on the stage, the look of pride in my parents eyes when they saw me perform on the stage for the first time, the times when I used to play cricket like a carefree bird with all the boys and girls of my colony, the times when I wouldn't be bothered by any complications that life has to offer me today..
These incidents in my childhood, shaped me into the person that I am today. Whether good or bad, it doesn't matter because my beautiful childhood taught me something everyday. How I wish I could go back to those days when trivial issues became huge matters and huge matters seemed trivial. That was the time when you knew that no matter how bad your day had been, you had a wonderful home to go to. A place where your family was waiting with open arms to make you forget all the pain prevailing outside...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The aeonian side of my life...

Have you ever read a book or a series of books that you wished never ended? Or have you watched a movie or a t.v. series for which you prayed that the director would not think of ending the story? Have you ever been a part of a movement that you wished would never end?
Take for example- Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling created a masterpiece and we welcomed it with open hearts and open arms. After reading the last part; I must have taken at least 15 minutes to let the feeling of 'Harry Potter ends here' sink in. It may sound very filmy, but a lot of Harry Potter fans would agree with me on this. It was difficult to let go.
The same happened with me when I started watching and completed (in a whopping 1 month!) the world's most popular and, perhaps, the most watched t.v. sitcom- F.R.I.E.N.D.S!! It was just so difficult to control my tears in the last episode. Again, it was difficult to let go..

These are the things that are truly eternal. How amazing it must be to be a part of such legacies! How proud would the creators of these things feel?! It is difficult to gauge that because we are, but, a mere mortal.
But these things teach us a valuable lesson- always strive for excellence. J.K. Rowling strived and she succeeded. The creators of F.R.I.E.N.D.S worked hard and the result is for everyone to see! This is how ordinary turns into extra-ordinary. And this is how mortal turns into immortal..

Monday, December 8, 2008

Once upon a time..

Once upon a time there was a young girl. She had the perfect home, she had the perfect family, she had the perfect set of friends. You can say that everything in her life was just about perfect until.. she fell in love. They say Love is the cure for many a diseases, but what do you do when love itself manifests in your heart like an illness that has no cure? What do you do when love gnaws on your insides like a termite that would eat wood? What do you do when you have a million questions that arise within the depths of your soul and you realize that these questions may, perhaps, never be answered.
This could be anybody's story- yours, mine or ours. But the point I want to raise here is how can one rise up like a phoenix even after being charred to ashes. It takes courage, it takes time but it certainly happens. All you need to do is have faith in yourself. I believe there is someone somewhere definitely waiting for us. All you have to do is wait until the time is right. No matter how badly bruised you are, time will heal and, maybe, when you fall in love again it will have the effect of a soothing balm on your scarred soul.
This is just like snake's poison- it can kill you, or if put to proper use- it can be a very useful medicine. The decision is left upon you- how you make use of love in a positive way..

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Tears and I.

Alright, after a lot of searching in my diary, I came across this poem that I had written when my grandfather expired. I was alone here in a foreign land and I didn't know how to react. I was shocked, I was numb and I was a lot of other things in that moment..

Tears don't come easily to me,
how much ever hard I try,
and then they come pouring down,
even when I don't want to cry.

Life seems unfair to everyone,
but it's your perspective that matters,
strong people may find happiness even in their sorrow,
when the not-so-strong ones find their life in tatters.

Tears and I share a special relationship,
the one that is not easily found,
so when life seems bleak for me,
it is my tears that are inward bound...

Monday, December 1, 2008

The most difficult word on the planet-' Goodbye'

The band Blue released an album ages ago. A very beautiful song was titled, " Sorry seems to be the hardest word". But I beg to differ. I think Goodbye is the most difficult word to say. The amount of pain and longing associated with goodbye is tremendous. Good bye is said when you are leaving your beloved friend at the railway station or the airport or it is sometimes implied when a person who no longer wants to be with you goes away leaving you stranded and clueless.
Good bye is open and good bye is subtle. Good bye is, sometimes, for good (wink wink) and goodbye, most of the times, is for bad.
There are so many forms of goodbye. But the one I hate the most is saying good bye when one of your loved one is boarding the train or the plane or the bus or whatever!
Just yesterday I said good bye to a close friend and, in this case, I boarded the train and moved away. The entire train journey then could be summed up in only one word-empty. It felt so good meeting a friend after such a long time but good bye ruined it all.
But condemning good bye is not going to help. Because all of us should know that saying good bye is giving hope to the other person. Hope of meeting again, soon. It means it is good that we are parting right now, so that the next time we meet we will, probably, gel along much better!
Like my professor said, "Such is life..."