Friday, November 20, 2009


So many people I have met, known and thought about, have one thing in common. In fact, every individual on this planet shares a common need- the need to be loved. I am yet to come across an individual who doesn't want to be loved or cherished.

When such circumstances exist, it is wonderful to find a human being who has the capacity to express his/her love for the loved ones around him/her.
So often (read almost all the time), I have come across people who do not believe in expressing their affection for the people they like or love.
I am an individual who believes in expressing herself. I feel that if I don't let my loved ones and the precious ones know how I feel about them- then who will?
Just try and express your love for your wife, father, husband, son or mother and just capture their happiness in your hearts forever.
Love is a beautiful thing, that is not meant to be hidden in your heart but it is something that needs expression and only then is the journey of life worthwhile...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Complexity and all the crap..

I am an MBA student and the reality struck me just a couple days ago when I was writing my mid-term exam for a subject that is stupidly titled Managing Change. Now every MBA knows that professors talk a lot of crap about models and flow charts and lots of theories. Academic scholars like Galbraith, Nadler, Peter Drucker or even Sigmund 'fucking' Freud came up with the weirdest of all theories and models. Like we don't have anything better to do with our lives!
My question is, when faced with an actual business problem or a crisis, who in the whole wide world has any time to consult these flow charts and theories.
Ever since we were born, haven't we been taught to tackle crisis by our own judgment? The word for that is 'EXPERIENCE'. That is certainly the best teacher.
And I realized it 3 semesters down in MBA!

Sorry Mr. Drucker and Mr. Freud but seems like your complex analysis of organizations and people will still remain secondary data because nothing can take the place of simple mistakes made and great lessons learned..!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I wish I was mentally challenged..

The title of this post may be enough for my friends and people who know me to start laughing. Because they have this notion that I am already mentally challenged! Well, they do not know that beneath this insanity lies the sanity of a pair of eyes that, probably, has seen it all and been through it all..
But that would be digressing from the point. The point I want to make here was taught to me by this customer at the store who is mentally challenged.
This guy is amazing. By amazing I actually mean, pure at heart with no malice in his soul. How many sane people practice this these days?
Sometimes I feel that the so-called- insane people are the luckiest amongst us all. Life for them is not a struggle but a happy journey. They have the most beautiful frame of reference to look at the world.
Such innocence, such purity is unseen.
And that is why I wish I was mentally challenged... wish I could break free from the shackles of all the mind games that my mind plays with me. Wish I could break free of the entire chain of thought process that boggles my mind. Wish I could live life without having to worry about the future. Wish I could be just me...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Independence or as we call it..

"250 years of struggle for independence but what do we have to show for except for a country divided..."

These were the closing lines of one of the most beautiful movies that I saw in recent times-1947 Earth. Directed by the ace director Deepa Mehta, this movie revolves around a young girl Lenny who sees the world through her eyes during the days of partition.

62 years of Indian independence and Pakistani independence were celebrated in the succession of 2 days i.e. 14th and 15th of August. As Jawaharlal Nehru proclaimed independence in his famous speech on 14th of August; a new India was born.
But in the hustle and celebration of the rebirth of a nation, millions of its children slept forever. Such was the sad state of 2 nations during the time of partition. Over one million people, be it Hindus or Muslims, were massacred in the name of religion.
The human exchange between the 2 nations stands out to be the biggest that has taken place in the history of mankind.
And after 62 years, the question reigning in my mind is- why? What bent the Britishers to demand for partition when 2 countries were going to flourish together in prosperity. Were the Britishers so afraid of India's and Pakistan's joint strength that they just decided to divide the nations in 2? Were India and Pakistan so much of a threat for the pale skinned bastards?

Why did nobody care about the one million that died in the partition.. or the thousands that were massacred at Jallianwala Baugh?
And then they celebrate 62 years of Independence...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Malgudi Days..

A few days ago my friend mentioned this T.V series that I once used to watch as a kid. No points of guessing the title of this series.. Malgudi Days.
This novel was written by one of the most loved Indian writers; often confused with cartoonist K.R Narayan; Mr. R.K Narayan.
To be honest I have never read the book. I would love to and someday I will. But I love this T.V. series.
It is about a small town called Malgudi shown as it would have been during the British Raj. The sheer simplicity of the series, the beauty of the stories so wonderfully told and the amazing performances by the actors are some of the many things that have awed me once again to this series.
The inner child has awakened again and certainly what an awakening it has been! At the age of 23, I just wish I could be 6 again. I just wish I could live in the olden times in a village called Malgudi...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

When you have nothing to share..

How do you express yourself when you have nothing left to say,
How do you see another person when there is nothing left to see,
How do you realize you have moved on when you don't want to move on.
How do you fight loneliness, when lonely is all you want to be..

More or less this is what I feel right now. It has been ages since I wrote something. I missed writing. But unfortunately bigger and more pressing matters consumed my time. And this time the title of this entry and the small verse is true- I actually have nothing to share.
All along, I realized, I have given my views on a lot of things. Be it education, gender bias or my observations in general. And when I was going through my entries again today, I suddenly realized that who am I to share or say anything about anyone or anybody.
It may sound confusing right now. But I feel it is just so true. All throughout our life we have been taught to be strong and speak our minds. When all that we should have been taught was that there is no one opinion that is right or wrong.
What I may see through my eyes may not necessarily be the right thing through your eyes. Why share and why care? Why curse and why complain? Nothing is going to change the way you view something- so why crib about it?
Life is too short to curse about. Just accept the frustration along the way and sail on!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


The only permanent thing on this planet is change. Be it a blossoming flower bud or a cocoon turning into a beautiful butterfly, everything changes and everything grows.
Most of the times, we crib and cry about change. As human beings, we have a set routine and we hate when that schedule is disturbed. Even if we miss a single bus, we feel frustrated because our entire time table for the day is blown apart.
But ever tried looking at change through a different pair of eyes? Metamorphosis is the beautiful journey an individual undertakes to become a better person. Metamorphosis is that medicine which brings us closer to being our self. The person who we ultimately are supposed to be.
Had it not been for that change, the cocoon would have stayed a cocoon and never turned into a beautiful butterfly. Had it not been for that change, we would not have had flowers. We would just have stagnant flower buds. Had it not been for changes in our life, we would not have grown to be better people.
I do not fully understand why am I writing about change today. I guess I just needed a change from my old writing habits and hence this article on change! All we need to remember is to embrace change as and when it comes. That is all that is needed to add spice and variety to life...

Monday, May 18, 2009

America so far..

It has been 10 months that I set foot in the land of opportunities. And these 10 months have been like an eye opener in a way that doesn't make it so obvious. The cultural shock has been subtle but tremendous.
Americans are funny people, but they are very open-hearted and friendly. Well not everyone really, but most of them are. Here are some things I find intriguing about Americans:

- You know you see an American when the person is a die-hard Yankees or Mets fan and is an ardent consumer of KFC, McDonalds or Dunkin Donuts.

-You know you see an American when majority of the clothes in his/her closet fall under the XL or the XXL size.

-You know you see an American when he/she threatens to sue you because your hand brushed against his/her elbow.

-You know you see an American when all they talk, eat, see or feel is sex and booze.

-You know you see an American when the amount of clothes on their body is directly proportional to the temperature outside.

-And finally, you know you see an American when he/she scores a full 100 on 100 in a DUMB test!!

A True Indian..

By way of popular demand (read Gayathri Attiken's request), here is a list of traits that you should look out for in an Indian.

Now, I am a proud Indian citizen and I probably have most of these traits too. But these are the qualities that make an Indian a true Indian and hence I jot them down!

- You know you are an Indian when you eat something from a random road side stall at least twice a week.

- You know you are an Indian when you know almost all the traffic rules and regulations but don't follow them.

- You know you are an Indian when your favorite means of passing time would include gossip, discussing the sad state of the country and its politicians, Cricket and Bollywood!

- You know you are an Indian when the pictures of Sachin Tendulkar and Amitabh Bachchan would occupy the same place in your temple along side the idols of other Gods and Goddesses.

- You know you are an Indian when going to the gym and eating healthy food would be an issue as alien as the Extra Terrestrial.

-And last but not the least, you know you are an Indian when you have the ability to sell a Rs. 10 ticket to the Taj Mahal for Rs. 500 to a dumb American!!

Ha ha ha...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

My Music.. My world...

"Music is my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."
Maya Angelou

What Miss Angelou writes here is so very true!! Especially for me. We all have our own problems, something we have to live with and tackle everyday. Our weaknesses, our troubles and our short-comings. We cannot do much about those, because most of the time they are born and brought up in our own head. And unless and until our head is not cured of that illness, those troubles don't go. But, probably, everyone turns to music to heal their soul.
Whether you listen to rock, pop, hip-hop, symphony, trance or jazz- it doesn't matter. All that matters is how music uplifts your tattered spirits and rejuvenates your faith in life.
Music is not just music for me. It is so much like a spiritual experience for me. When I listen to music, I go on another level altogether, and for a small period of time I forget all the pain and suffering that I inflict upon myself. Lyrics attract me, and so does a good piece of guitaring. And, hence I am absolutely in love with rock music.
Rock is not just about skimpily clad rock stars with tattoos on their arms and guitar on their backs screaming on the top of their voices. Rock is about amazing lyrics. Rock is about the magic that a person's fingers can do on the guitar fret. Rock is about teaching good and beautiful things in life.
No other genre has made me so happy and content about being myself.
Here is something that I wrote about music which sums up what I feel for my music. I wrote this piece for a team website project and it comes straight from my heart:

Millions of people pray using different ways and means. Some go to the church and some sit and meditate in silence. Some sing out loud and clear in different choirs and some just admire His work in silent contemplation. Music is one such form of prayer to the creator above. It is a path leading to the communion of our soul with Nature's soul.

Music is pure,
Music is pristine.
Music is food for the soul,
Music is all this and so much more.

Simply put, music is life!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

What is an MBA?

"What is an MBA?", asked the black lady sitting in front of a Burger king outlet..

Location: Some rest area en route to Virginia.
We were traveling from New Jersey to Virginia to have a fun vacation. We stopped at this rest area to have some food and water. It was 5 a.m. in the morning. I went up to Andrea (the lady sitting in front of Burger King) and kicked off a conversation. She asked me, "What do you do Shailee?". I said, "I am a student. I study in FDU. Am pursuing MBA." And it was then that she asked me, "What is an MBA?"
For a minute I was shocked. MBA is such a common term! I mean who does not know about MBA's? I was taking the world for granted in that moment.
Every day in our MBA classes we talk about issues like globalization, the dying American economy, politics, Obama's measures to combat recession and blah blah.. never once did it cross my mind that someone on the planet might not even know what MBA is..
All the huge talks about everyone doing something to tackle recession would then sound so trivial when more than half of the population on the planet doesn't even know what is going wrong.
People in countries like Africa, Pakistan or Bangladesh wouldn't even care for something like this. Because everyday is a struggle for people in these countries. Everyday they, probably, wake up with fear in their mind whether they will get water or not, or whether they will get bread to eat or not.
It sounds ridiculous when people here are worried about not being able to pay mortgage or shop in extravagant shops when more than half of the people on the planet don't even know what mortgage is or what DKNY, Gucci or Chanel is..
We cry now, because we have to face problems now. We can now, perhaps, empathize with more than half the population on the planet. We now know what it is to be an African caught in a famine or a Bangladeshi staying in a refugee camp. We, hopefully, now know...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Straight from Eleven Minutes...

One day a woman saw a bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two traveled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird.
But then she thought:He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy for the bird's ability to fly.
And she felt alone.
And she thought: "I'm going to set a trap. The next time the bird appears, he will never leave again."
The bird, who was also in love,returned the following day, fell into a trap and was put into a cage. She looked at the bird every day. There he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends, who said: "Now you have everything you could possibly want." However a strange transformation began to take place:now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life, began to waste away and his feathers started to lose their gloss; he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention, except by feeding him and cleaning out his cage.
One day, the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying contentedly among the clouds.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning, and Death came knocking at her door. "Why have you come?" she asked Death. "So that you can fly once more with him across the sky," Death replied. "If you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more; alas, you now need me in order to find him again."

- From Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Dancing Girl..

I was walking down from the gym and going back to my apartment. The weather was nice (for a change) and I was enjoying myself. Suddenly I saw a girl walking in my direction. Now from the place where I was, I could see her first and she couldn't see me. She was doing a little dancing jig while walking. She looked so happy and it seemed like she was really enjoying her little hop (read dance) on the road.
I felt good, that at least someone is so happy and has the courage to show it to the world. But as soon as she saw me coming, she stopped dancing and started walking normally. And our paths crossed.
Now this is just a small simple thing that happened on another regular sort of a day. But what touched a deep chord within me is why do we try and hide our true selves from everyone. There is nothing wrong in dancing on the middle of the road and feeling happy about it. Then why suddenly stop in between and change the track?
The biggest sin we can do, according to me is try and please everybody. We put on masks, don different roles and in the whole process just forget who we actually are. There is nothing wrong in being absolutely crazy if that is who you actually are..

Monday, February 9, 2009

Dissipating into someone else..

They say that a new born baby is the purest thing on the planet. But as and when it grows, the layers of worldliness start enveloping its heart and mind and slowly but steadily it loses its innocence.
How I wish, I could stay as innocent as I was when I was born. Losing out on innocence, not being able to trust people and being wary at every step-these are the few symptoms of the disease we all know as 'growing old'.
I am turning into someone else, someone who is growing old. I wish I could go back into being carefree and trustful. I want to trust people, but I am wary. I want to be able to become the Shailee I was before. I have started thinking about myself more and I am not even able to decide whether this good or bad. This metamorphosis affects me, and I wish I could change..

Somethings I want to do...

First of all, thank you Nehal-because I stole the first line from his yahoo messenger status.This gave me the inspiration to write this thing..

Sleeping with open eyes,
I see dreams for myself
Waiting with an open heart
I wait for the right time to play my part.

Contributing with an open hand,
That is all that I want to do
Winning with a humble end
Is all that makes me take a firm stand

Wanting the best to bring out within my soul
Will happen someday I am sure
Striving to create a face
Will finally help me come out of this daze…

Friday, February 6, 2009

People that I observe...

I know it has been ages since I put up something. My friends complain, my parents rant on and on about not keeping in touch, and loved ones patiently wait for me to get back home.. but the thing that has kept me really busy is the place where I work part-time- a convenience store.
Now working here is real fun, because you encounter people from all walks of life. But there are certain customers who leave their foot prints behind in your mind. Now all of these are not necessarily good, but nevertheless I mention them here, because they forced me to think about them even after the transaction is done with. Here is a list of them all:

- The Grumpy Guy
The Grumpiest Guy on planet Earth award goes to this particular customer who comes to the store everyday. He has a horrible body language and a constant frown on his head. I have not seen him smile even one single time. He throws money on the counter as if he despises it. His frown gets all the more deeper if there are people ahead of him in the queue. I just wonder, what must have taken place in his life that he turned out like this? What atrocities has he gone through that force him to be in a bad mood all the time..

-My Crush
Yes, I am a girl! And I do realize that I have crushes all the time. There is this guy who comes and buys beer everyday. Now he looks exactly like Thom Yorke of Radiohead fame, and I can't help but find him oh-so-cute. Turns out that he is a student at my university too pursuing Criminal Justice.. impressive huh???!!!

- My sweetheart
She is probably a 70 year old woman, who still has to work at this age to cover up her expenses during these unstable economic times. I asked her, "Why do you still work? You should be home, taking rest". And she says, "Atleast I have a job. I am not as unfortunate as those others who lost theirs.." She taught me this lesson today- Never complain. Because what might be less for you may be more than enough for others.

These are a few people who influenced me. There are many more others who touch me in some way or other everyday... and I am thankful to God that I get a chance to meet such beautiful souls in abundance...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Eine Nacht...

Scene 1: Take 1: Action-
A beautiful restaurant (a cozy cafe actually), 4 friends, horrible food, amazing ambiance, delicious mug full of coffee, a game of truth and dare and some amazing conversation.

Scene 2: Take 2: Action-
A chilly winter night. The Hoboken riverfront. New York skyline just across the river, right in front of you. Calm waters of the Hudson river softly licking the Hoboken shores. Soft music wafting from the cafe nearby. The tall buildings just take your breath away...

Scene 3: Take 3: Action in my brain-
I wish this night would never end. I hate going back home. But I have to. Because I have work and classes tomorrow. The cold kills me, but I love it. The wind bites my face, but I so want to remove my jacket and feel it against my skin. I just wish I could sit there for hours and hours, and never have to move away. Solitude is my faithful friend...

P.S.: Eine Nacht means A Night in Deutsche. ;)

Monday, January 26, 2009

The big bad house..

I was just passing by this road, and I saw this small house on the road side. At a glance, one probably, would mistake it for just another house on the road. But I saw it closely, and I realized that the place was infected by termites. I had to look closely enough to confirm. Fine long lines of termite presence were etched on the four walls of the house. And I presumed that no one was living in there. I believe in the philosophy that non-living things have feelings too, and are alive in one way or the other (Weird I know, but that's me!! Sigh..).
It looked as if the house was a dying person. It looked as though the doctors had given up all hope and left the patient on its own fate. Now my far fetched imagination imagined what it would be like; if the house had hands and would be able to clean itself of the termite lines. The house, I guess, is unlucky..
But we are humans and we are lucky people. We have a fully functional heart, brain and limbs that can drive all sorts of cobwebs and termites away. We are all infected by termites at one time or another, but we have the power to clean them. All we need to do is accept the fact first that we have been infected. Half the battle is won there and then. And then we can move on to become who we have envisioned ourselves to be. We have to cleanse our body and soul of these termites. Only then can we call ourselves, pure from the heart, body and soul...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A nameless feeling..

People, lucky enough like me, get a college education. So what's the big deal? Everyone gets that. But I wish I could go and ask 'everyone' their feelings about college..
Those amazing years of life. The reason why the post is titled 'A nameless feeling' is because I have no name for the feeling I get when I think of the college days gone by. Some call it 'nostalgia' and some attach the tag of 'memories', but how can I call it my past when those days, each and every moment that I lived in my college, still breathes and thrives within me.
I have started learning the guitar these days, and I tried my hand at this very famous song 'Purani Jeans aur Guitar', and trust me- the feeling was mind blowing. While singing the song, I closed my eyes and I was able to visualize everything as if it always was there, and as if I have never been away from it. The feeling was so beautiful that I had goose bumps on my hand while singing that song. Now what do I call such a feeling? A feeling of absolute and utter love for the days gone by whose images still keep popping up in my head. When I left school, I hated the fact that I had to go to college. This is because school had different kinds of memories attached to it. And now that I have left my college, I realize I was so wrong. Each phase of life has its own uniqueness and because the days of my college gone by are the recent most right now... it will take some time to get out of this nameless feeling...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

My definitions.

Everyone has a certain mindset and everyone is entitled to a certain opinion, and everyone also feels that his/her opinion is the right one. That is how human mind is conditioned to function, I guess. It is the individual's environment, heredity and a lot of other factors that make him/her think in a certain direction and in a certain manner.
Well, I have these set of definitions in my life that I live by and deeply believe in.

-Mom: The sole soul on the planet that truly believes in unconditional love and actually professes it. All other forms of love are, somewhere or the other, adulterated.

-Friend: The pillar of support that will never let you fall down even if you have become hollow from the inside like a plank of wood that is infected by termites.

-Religion: Is a matter of your own beliefs, and I respect your beliefs.

-Music and dance: Is simply one way to God.

-Education: Is a must for enlightenment

-Politics: Deep shit hole.

-Sex: Is a path that leads on to the unison of two souls deeply in love with each other. It helps them, actually, become one.

-Books: The second best way to learn lessons, after making your own experience.

-Experience: Obviously, the best way to learn a lesson.

-Relationships: Are a must for survival on the planet. They are as basic as needs for food, water or shelter. Extroverts openly acknowledge it, introverts don't. But on some level;both-extroverts and introverts desire it.

-Love: Is the most beautiful and the most ugly feeling on the planet.

-Terrorists: Should go back to where they came from-hell.

Friday, January 2, 2009


They are everywhere. They pinch you in subways, they wink at you on the streets, they harass you and they irritate you everywhere. You can avoid them but you certainly cannot ignore them. The 2 sexes- males and females are so different from each other. Men might have a million complaints about women and vice versa.
Being a woman, I think I should stay loyal to my community. Men from the days of yore used to be such fine gentlemen. They would make women feel like princesses. Respect for women and chivalry were common traits. And the men of today's generation- Pah! Respect for women and chivalry is a long forgotten term. Now all they can do is gape at women and consider them as objects of desire.
Sometimes it gets so irritating that you just feel like slapping them hard. And I am sure many of my female confreres will agree. Men just don't realize how dumb they look when they do that!
I have met only 2-3 men, hardly, who belong to the generation today and respect women and see them as individuals rather than objects of play. I wish there were more men like them! The world would be such a better place overall... sigh!!