Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My legs in India..

Well the onlookers of this post might laugh their hearts out, but I sure miss my Kinetic today! After coming to USA, a thing that I miss the most would definitely be my scooter- My Kinetic.
How I would ride it around the entire town. My kinetic and I have shared some beautiful moments together. People find it really weird, but I actually used to talk to my kinetic. I used to share all the happiness and all the sorrows in the world with my bike! Ha ha ha. Funny but so true!
Now that I am 12000 miles away, I miss the wind on my face, something that I used to enjoy immensely on my bike. I miss the scorching sun on my back, all the riding that I would do during the summer afternoons; all the sun-tans that I ever had. How my mom would constantly scold me and warn me from riding during rains, heat or cold. But I would never pay any attention. These precious moments are few and I am going to cherish them all through my life. My kinetic, never once let me down. No problems whatsoever! Be it 6 in the morning, or 3 in the night; it used to be as smooth as ever.
I see people driving high end cars here and I feel sad because they probably will never know what it is like to ride like a crazy bird..

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The lazy bum... i.e. I

Everyone has a phase in their life when they move from being immature to mature people. But surprisingly so, I feel in my case the river is flowing backwards. I am turning from a mature person into an immature one!
I used to be a responsible person, once upon a time. Someone who was aware of all the responsibilities and duties that were needed to be carried out. But with each passing day, I feel I am turning into an irresponsible person. Someone who doesn't care a damn about what goes on in her own life. Now I, seriously, don't know whether this is temporary or permanent. Whether this is going to last longer or will it be over by tomorrow?
I guess everyone has moments like these or stages in life when you are not really sure what do you want from life!
The only good thing about this phase is that I have learnt to accept my mistakes and forgive myself. I have stopped living in regret and I am proud of this achievement. I have realized that I am human and that it is alright to make mistakes. Life always gives us one more chance. I would never have thought about it this way, had I been the Shailee that I was before.
Another good thing I feel is the constant flow of positivity in me. The past 4 months have probably been the worst for me. Me transferring to another country, staying away from home for the first time and all.. but inspite of that I feel amazingly positive. Something within me says that this shall soon be over and that life is going to be a bed of roses again!
Well I sure hope so to. I am keeping my fingers crossed and my faith alive. Hopefully this positive attitude should work well for me!

Friday, December 19, 2008


My story has 2 protagonists- Dhruv and Ram. Dhruv is my neighbor’s 3 year old son. Ram is the grandson of my mother’s domestic help.He is as old as Dhruv is. The other day Dhruv and I were standing in the kitchen. I was preparing something for us to eat. At the same time, Ram and his grand-mother walked in. Dhruv moved closer to me. I was surprised because I saw the expression of disgust etched on the young child’s face. Dhruv and Ram were good friends. They used to play a lot together. But on that day however hard I tried, Dhruv just backed away from Ram. He didn’t even want to touch him. What shocked me the most was how could a young child think such things? How did status, caste and colour stand in way of enjoying a beautiful morning playing pranks and various games?

It hurt me in some unknown way. I thought of Ram- the child is so young. And at such a young age he had to encounter discrimination of this form! While Dhruv was playing with me I tried to ask him subtly, “Who asked you not to play with Ram?” He responded, “My mother”. All the pieces fell into place now. I didn’t say anything else to Dhruv, but this incident kept on gnawing my insides all day long.

Now you might be wondering why I wrote this story in here. Am I trying to preach something? The answer is no. I am no preacher. I am just a human trying to bring something to our notice. This discrimination exists everywhere and we practice it knowingly or unknowingly. How many of us have thanked the shop- keeper after purchasing something from the shop? How many of us know the names of our sweeper or our watchman? Barely a few. I have seen a lot of people behaving rudely with poor people. Why? Just because we have a huge wallet full of money, we start considering ourselves super human! We forget that the other person is also a human after all. We are all Dhruv in one way or the other. We forget that even Ram has feelings that will be hurt by our words. We are the youth today, the future of our country tomorrow. Our mindset does matter. So let us try and keep just a small thing in mind- the person standing opposite to you is a human. Don’t weigh him/her in the unbalanced scale of caste, colour or race. The day you start doing this; apart from your world, the world of someone else too would become truly beautiful!!

A Walk down the memory lane..

  • I was 12 years old, maybe. It was pouring cats and dogs. I had an exam to write that day in school. My auto-walah (the guy who picked me up from home and dropped me off to school) didn't turn up. I was anxious. I was tensed. And then my hero, my dad came into the living room and scooped me up in his arms and carried me all the way to the main road from our house which was located somewhere in the interiors. I huddled close to him, hugging him tightly all the time. He was wearing his rain coat and gum boots and was busy protecting me from the rain. He was knee deep in water and he still continued carrying me with a vigor that is visible only when you are a father. Struggling and fighting with the rain, we reached the main road. He hailed an auto and dropped me off at the school. I reached just in time..
  • I must have been 14-15 years old. There used to be a vegetable seller who would put his vegetable cart in our society. He had covered it with tarpaulin one afternoon and gone somewhere for a nap. My friend and I, lifted up the tarpaulin and stole some money from the cart. It was the vegetable vendor's hard earned money. Something that he had earned after roaming on the streets under the scorching sun, trying to sell vegetables. And we did the ghastly act of putting that money in our pockets. I could not live with that guilt. The next day, I summed up all the courage I had and went and confessed in front of my mother. I went down upon my knees and cried like a baby. I begged and pleaded for her forgiveness, because no one is more important in my life than my mother and father. Her forgiveness was the most important thing in the world. And she did. She forgave me. And I vowed to stick to honesty for the rest of my life...
As a child, I have millions of moments which taught me important lessons on every step I took. My first bicycle, my first prize on the stage, the look of pride in my parents eyes when they saw me perform on the stage for the first time, the times when I used to play cricket like a carefree bird with all the boys and girls of my colony, the times when I wouldn't be bothered by any complications that life has to offer me today..
These incidents in my childhood, shaped me into the person that I am today. Whether good or bad, it doesn't matter because my beautiful childhood taught me something everyday. How I wish I could go back to those days when trivial issues became huge matters and huge matters seemed trivial. That was the time when you knew that no matter how bad your day had been, you had a wonderful home to go to. A place where your family was waiting with open arms to make you forget all the pain prevailing outside...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The aeonian side of my life...

Have you ever read a book or a series of books that you wished never ended? Or have you watched a movie or a t.v. series for which you prayed that the director would not think of ending the story? Have you ever been a part of a movement that you wished would never end?
Take for example- Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling created a masterpiece and we welcomed it with open hearts and open arms. After reading the last part; I must have taken at least 15 minutes to let the feeling of 'Harry Potter ends here' sink in. It may sound very filmy, but a lot of Harry Potter fans would agree with me on this. It was difficult to let go.
The same happened with me when I started watching and completed (in a whopping 1 month!) the world's most popular and, perhaps, the most watched t.v. sitcom- F.R.I.E.N.D.S!! It was just so difficult to control my tears in the last episode. Again, it was difficult to let go..

These are the things that are truly eternal. How amazing it must be to be a part of such legacies! How proud would the creators of these things feel?! It is difficult to gauge that because we are, but, a mere mortal.
But these things teach us a valuable lesson- always strive for excellence. J.K. Rowling strived and she succeeded. The creators of F.R.I.E.N.D.S worked hard and the result is for everyone to see! This is how ordinary turns into extra-ordinary. And this is how mortal turns into immortal..

Monday, December 8, 2008

Once upon a time..

Once upon a time there was a young girl. She had the perfect home, she had the perfect family, she had the perfect set of friends. You can say that everything in her life was just about perfect until.. she fell in love. They say Love is the cure for many a diseases, but what do you do when love itself manifests in your heart like an illness that has no cure? What do you do when love gnaws on your insides like a termite that would eat wood? What do you do when you have a million questions that arise within the depths of your soul and you realize that these questions may, perhaps, never be answered.
This could be anybody's story- yours, mine or ours. But the point I want to raise here is how can one rise up like a phoenix even after being charred to ashes. It takes courage, it takes time but it certainly happens. All you need to do is have faith in yourself. I believe there is someone somewhere definitely waiting for us. All you have to do is wait until the time is right. No matter how badly bruised you are, time will heal and, maybe, when you fall in love again it will have the effect of a soothing balm on your scarred soul.
This is just like snake's poison- it can kill you, or if put to proper use- it can be a very useful medicine. The decision is left upon you- how you make use of love in a positive way..

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Tears and I.

Alright, after a lot of searching in my diary, I came across this poem that I had written when my grandfather expired. I was alone here in a foreign land and I didn't know how to react. I was shocked, I was numb and I was a lot of other things in that moment..

Tears don't come easily to me,
how much ever hard I try,
and then they come pouring down,
even when I don't want to cry.

Life seems unfair to everyone,
but it's your perspective that matters,
strong people may find happiness even in their sorrow,
when the not-so-strong ones find their life in tatters.

Tears and I share a special relationship,
the one that is not easily found,
so when life seems bleak for me,
it is my tears that are inward bound...

Monday, December 1, 2008

The most difficult word on the planet-' Goodbye'

The band Blue released an album ages ago. A very beautiful song was titled, " Sorry seems to be the hardest word". But I beg to differ. I think Goodbye is the most difficult word to say. The amount of pain and longing associated with goodbye is tremendous. Good bye is said when you are leaving your beloved friend at the railway station or the airport or it is sometimes implied when a person who no longer wants to be with you goes away leaving you stranded and clueless.
Good bye is open and good bye is subtle. Good bye is, sometimes, for good (wink wink) and goodbye, most of the times, is for bad.
There are so many forms of goodbye. But the one I hate the most is saying good bye when one of your loved one is boarding the train or the plane or the bus or whatever!
Just yesterday I said good bye to a close friend and, in this case, I boarded the train and moved away. The entire train journey then could be summed up in only one word-empty. It felt so good meeting a friend after such a long time but good bye ruined it all.
But condemning good bye is not going to help. Because all of us should know that saying good bye is giving hope to the other person. Hope of meeting again, soon. It means it is good that we are parting right now, so that the next time we meet we will, probably, gel along much better!
Like my professor said, "Such is life..."

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Why and I?

A-Do you know why does the sun set?
B-Well, maybe it is tired after shining all day long and that is why it needs to rest.
A- No silly, the earth rotates on its axis and so the sun sets in one place while it rises in the other. Do you know why does rain fall?
B- Well maybe because the parched land awaits to be moisturized somewhere.
A- No you stupid woman, water vapor rises in the atmosphere and condenses to form water droplets which join together to become clouds. As the cloud gets heavy, it starts to rain. Understood?
Do you know why?- this is one sentence that I have started despising. Do you know why this happens? Do you know why that happens? And blah blah..
I mean isn't it enough for us to know that what maybe right for you as a person may not necessarily be right for me. Why do people ask 'why' hoping that they get the exact answer that they have in mind from the other person?
Is it just another way of pompously boasting your knowledge or are you genuinely interested in increasing the IQ or EQ of the other person?
This continues to baffle me all the time. People, all the time, try and force their thoughts on the other person. And the weapon they use is this silly 3 letter word- why?
'Do you know why' is a classic opening line to make the other person start doubting his own thoughts. Then all he tries to do is try and think of something that might be anything close to what the questioner has in mind!
Oh God! Give me a break. Let us all please try and get rid of this why. This 'why' has made me feel stupid a lot of times and I am sure this has happened to you too. The only way to get rid of it is to stop using it..!


For every Indian, who stays away from his/her country, the mere mention of the word 'INDIA' is enough to evoke millions of memories and plenty of nostalgic moments.
I am no exception to that. People tell me, "You have left your country to serve some other nation (read USA). What good are you?"
What do I say? How do I tell them just how much I miss India, with every breath I take?!
I miss the lush green roads of my country, I miss the picturesque scenes that unravel themselves while one is traveling in any part of the country.
I miss the villages, the cities, the people, the food... but most of all I miss the warmth and the feeling of belongingness.
When a child is born, he/she is attached to the mother by the umbilical cord. The day I left my motherland, the cord was severed. I am here because I want to make something out of myself. Someday, just someday, I will be able to go back and repay my country all that it has given me.
If only India were a person I would touch it's feet as a mark of respect and be glad that I was born out of her.
I respect all nationalities and consider the world to be a global village, but if ever I get a chance to be born as a human again, I would love to be a part of India's womb only and none other...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I would like to thank my dear friend Gouri, for introducing me to this song. Another amazing number by the great band- Coldplay. The title of the song is 'Lost'...

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Ohhh and I...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off
Ohhh and I..
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

For you..a thousand times over..

Right from the time I was a young kid, I was fascinated by books and movies. Until recently, I had profound knowledge of movies only produced and made in my country. People know it as Bollywood. We have had some amazing movies made in India by a lot of directors. But of late, some of my friends have got me hooked to watching movies made in Hollywood or for that matter made anywhere or originating from every part of the world.
Good movies move me in a way that I can not explain, no matter how hard I try. And about 5 minutes ago, I had the pleasure of being moved by a movie which is based on a book that I hold very close to my heart- The Kite Runner.
The story is based in Afghanistan and talks about how a boy actually turns into a man. All the circumstances around him that make him finally be able to take his own stand.
Watching the movie, The Kite Runner, was like reading the book all over again. It reminded me of all the moments that I had cherished when I read the book for the first time. Be it the time I had rejoiced on Amir's winning the kite tournament or the time(s) that I cried thinking about the horrors that surround the people of Afghanistan.
But there was this one statement or rather a dialogue which really touched me and it was, 'For you, a thousand times over'. How beautiful this one line is! It brought charm and added meaning to the whole movie. Hassan says this to Amir and proves that he can actually abide by it, and in return Amir says this to Hassan's son repenting for whatever mistakes he made.
Isn't it amazing just how one line can, sometimes, define everything that you feel? And sometimes even an entire book cannot accurately explain what the author is trying to say..

The place where I belong...

Welcome to Vidyanagar, a quintessential town situated at a distance of 5 kms from the milk city, Anand. The word literally means- “Abode of education”. This place was a dream conceived and realized by Bhai Kaka in those days when education was not given its due importance. Today, Vidyanagar is throbbing with vibrancy, life and most importantly- youthfulness. The place teems with thousands of students who march in togetherness towards pursuing their dreams.

Vidyanagar is, of course, known for its colleges and Sardar Patel University all across India. But what I have tried to bring to notice of the common man is the little moments of joy that only Vidyanagar can offer.

Imagine you are walking down the road and someone comes up to you, smiling and acknowledging you. You are perplexed- at a complete loss of words, because you don’t recognize this person. You have forgotten his name!! What a thoroughly embarrassing situation for you! But not to worry!! Because Vidyanagar states an unwritten rule- if you have to address a complete stranger you have absolutely all the rights to address him by a famous pseudonym- “Party!” So you maintain your composure and respond- “Oh ho!! Party, kem nu chaale chhe?” All said and done, you part from each other after a satisfactory conversation- and all this while, you didn’t even know this person’s name!!

Another popular culture that you may spot is what we generally know as the “Kitli Culture”. Just pay a visit to any famous tea- stall in the town and you will understand what I am trying to say. ‘Kitli’ is the so-called hot spot, the meeting joint. It’s a place where you may create beautiful memories with your friends. It’s a place where you pretend to sit and study hard while all you might be interested in, is the aroma of food and hot tea!! It’s a place where every young boy who serves tea is addressed as ‘Chhotu’ and it’s a place where you discuss everything and anything that comes to your mind with your friends.

Well all this talk about food makes me realize that I have missed out on Vidyanagar’s staple diet. No points for guessing this one- it’s our one and only ‘puff’. Don’t have enough money in your pocket to buy a decent meal? Well, don’t worry you wont have to sleep hungry. This magical little ‘Puff’ is the solution of many a hunger pangs experienced by our students.

All this is just a little peek into what Vidyanagar has to offer to its students. Apart from education, which is very good, Vidyanagar offers little joyous moments. Moments, which we in our later years call the beauty of college life!



I am a loner, walking on this long lonely road,

My journey was hard,

But everything else was smooth,

Until I came upon this crossroad.

I feel the past beckoning me,

And tugging upon my heart strings,

On the other hand lies my future,

Waiting for me to untangle and spread my wings.

It is chaos in my head,

And serenity in my heart,

Because the dead has become undead again,

And this time it’s my soul that is coming apart..

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


They say that a lifetime is made up of small moments joined together. But I prefer to believe more in the power of living a lifetime in one single moment. These kind of moments are rare and few but they are definitely present. And it is because of these rare amazing moments that I enjoy the journey of life tremendously.

Here are some of the moments that get me high on life:
  • Smelling the scent of the earth just after it has rained.
  • Listening to some song, the lyrics of which transport me into a different world altogether.
  • Reading a book that creates a void within, which no other book can fill.
  • Hugging mom who envelops me into a tight embrace making me feel as if nothing on this planet can bother me anymore.
  • Sitting with my closest pal laughing my ass of on silliest of all issues.
  • The feeling of overwhelming love when a young baby cuddles up in my arms and places it's head on my shoulder, trying to sleep.
  • Riding on my bike during rains, going to a road side tea-stall just to have a cup of 'cutting chai'
  • Locking your eyes with someone in a room full of people, and suddenly realizing that you don't feel the presence of anyone else in the room.
  • My breath turning into mist during winters.
  • Having a heart to heart conversation with loved ones.
  • Being so busy that you don't have any time to eat, drink or sleep!!
  • Of late, watching the snow fall outside while I am warm and cozy inside my room.
  • Finding money unexpectedly in my pocket when I need it the most!
  • The different colors of trees and leaves during Fall.
  • The sight of one leaf falling off from the tree joining millions of others on the ground.
  • Nature, jungles, forests and mountains- all of these make me awed.
  • The ocean or the sea and the mystery associated with it.
  • Sun's rays falling on my face...

These are just a few of them that spring in to my mind right now. There are so many more, but I cannot recollect them right now..
These moments make me love life so much more. They make me realize the importance of stopping and noticing, and not just rushing ahead recklessly.

Coffee, conversation and wow!

We all need friends in our lives. There are, perhaps, thousands of gigabytes on the internet full of quotes, poems, essays, thoughts and songs dedicated to friendship. I am a mere mortal too and I need friends around me all the time. Also, I love carving new relationships and turning them into everlasting friendship.
A lot of my friends call me "gullible"- a term that I have come to hate, simply because I go out of the way to help someone and befriend someone. What they don't realize is that the friendship, the eternal bond created is something that I selfishly desire. It is for my own vested interest that I emotionally bind myself with another person. And that desire is - the desire to be loved. The desire to be cherished. And fortunately enough, I have the love of so many people to whom I am eternally indebted. And this is quite immodest of me, but it is true. I do have a lot of people in my life who, I can proudly say, love me a lot. But this blog isn't about friendship and stuff associated to that. I will do that later on.
This blog is dedicated to a special individual. An individual who has helped me create the most amazing rendezvous ever. The name of that person is Shayla.
Now, Shayla is unlike any person I would normally talk to. Atleast that was what I thought so. She loves to be clad in stuff made by Gucci and Armaani. She is very particular about how her nails are done, whether her hair is alright or not and all typical female stuff. Something that I am aversive to. So the story goes on something like this...
We met in a hotel in Nainital. Almost all the guests thronged the hotel lobby, that particular night. The reason being, the superstar Amitabh Bachchan was stipulated to arrive in the hotel later in the night, with his entire family. My friends and my sister waited patiently till 12 doing something or the other, just to keep themselves occupied. I waited with them because I didn't want to end up alone in the room. So there we were, waiting and there was Shayla sitting on the plush sofa, reading a book titled- The Secret. Now I had been playing with Shayla's cute daughter Juicy for quite some time (Yeah I am a typical female at times too.. I love young kids and babies). And after a lot of fooling around with Juicy I met her mom who was sitting elegantly reading the book. I struck up a conversation with her and we started talking about books. The conversation wore on and on and soon we realized we just couldn't stop talking. The lobby was getting crowded by all the fans and so we decided to go and sit in the coffee shop.

2:30 a.m.- Amitabh finally arrives and quickly disappears into his room. We don't even realize that. We just talk!
This went on till the wee hours of morning. Suddenly we realized that the sun was about to rise. We went out together on the terrace of the hotel and saw the sun rise over the breathtaking hills that surround the Naini lake. There was fog in the air and it was stinging cold. And there we were standing barefoot in the cold outside, trying to devour the whole view in just one glance. After so much of talking, that silence was like an icing on the cake which summed up the complete camaraderie that two strangers could share. There is a very famous Bollywood movie dialogue which says that, sometimes it takes ages to know a person, and yet you end up not knowing him/her and sometimes only one meeting is enough to uncover the deepest side of someone's personality. That was what happened with the 2 of us too. We felt like we had known each other since ages and there was no other soul on the planet who could understand us the way we understood each other. And trust me, that feeling of being completely understood is exhilarating. That was truly a liberating experience..
And later on that day, I left for Corbett leaving Nainital behind me. All I was left with was, memories of that wonderful conversation embedded in my bosom.
Thankfully, Shayla and I are still in touch and talk a lot. But I am sure, no conversation of ours will ever match the one we had during that mesmerizing night...

When eyes met..

I am silly and I am weird. And the best part is that I know that. There are so many things that seem tiny to the human eye, but for my heart they assume huge proportions. And one of those silly random moments was a bus ride that I had a couple of months ago.
I used to work in a place called North Arlington and to reach my office, I had to undertake a bus ride that would last for 45 minutes.
It was just another normal day when I boarded the bus to reach my destination. About 20 minutes away from my stop, 2 women climbed onto the bus. One of the two women, was quite decent looking with 2 kids in the tow. And along with her climbed this other woman who was unlike any woman I had ever seen. She helped her friend or sister (whoever she was) climb the bus and took a seat opposite them. She was dressed like a rock star. Her ears were punched with holes (read piercings) from top to bottom. She was wearing a loose fitting shirt with jeans and boots. She was dressed like a cool guy. Her hair was short and cropped, again like a man's. But all this suddenly seemed unimportant to me when I saw her eyes. Fixed on this manly exterior, her eyes were the most feminine thing in the whole world. They were a mixture of brown and black or God knows what color! But they were the most attractive pair of eyes I had ever seen. What was it that wanted me to just stare into them? Her eyes triggered a million questions in my mind. Who is she? What does she do? What are her likes and dislikes? All this and so much more..
I guess this happens to a person most of the time. Sometimes you feel like chatting with complete strangers and sometimes even known faces disgust you. Such is the irony of the world we live in today!! I just wish I could meet that manly woman sometime in life and get an answer to my questions.

Welcome to self

I hated the thought of blogging- an honest confession that I want to make at the onset. I have read a lot of blogs- some good, some not so good and I always used to wonder how can people share their deepest, darkest thoughts with the world? The entire idea seemed unfathomable. But slowly and gradually the pile of thoughts, that always remained unshared, started building up within me. There has to be a way out of this- was what my brain thought. And the answer seemed simple enough. Start blogging. This is a simple way to let certain silly and serious issues slip out of your head or heart (depends on the place where they originated) and help you feel liberated.
And boy!! This effect has already started. I, now, am in a position to empathize with my fellow blogger colleagues (if I may say so) and truly understand the rationale behind this great act.
I don't have a blogger guru who can perhaps put the 'Raj Tilak' on my head and wish me 'Vijayi Bhava'. So I guess I will do the task for myself. Good luck and Happy blogging!!